Monica Riley

It’s hard for me to comprehend that I have reached the age of 86, so quickly do the years go by now. There’s definitely a difference, I find, between the 70’s and 80’s. The 80’s introduce lower energy levels and all kinds of new aches and pains.

Also, for me it brought my reluctant retirement from my lifetime of engagement as teacher and researcher in the area of Molecular Biology. For many years I ran a productive lab with as many as 9 students and postdocs working together. I raised money to support the lab by grants from the National Institutes of Health. I gave talks about our work at meetings in many countries. It was an exciting life. But as I got into my 80’s, I had to face that I was not keeping up with the fast-moving field. Finally I retired at age 82.

This has brought a big somewhat depressing change for me. I can no longer think of myself as a positive member of a worthy community of scientists, contributing to human knowledge. There are days when I feel useless and without purpose in life.

But slowly I am coming to realize that there are other ways to be a positive person. As a member of the UUCB community I have been given opportunities to relate to others here in some of the many Small Groups Programs such as the Chalice Circles. Also outside the church there are active participation opportunities such as the Read Aloud program and the GRIP lunch program.

Another consequence of my life in science was living a different form of conversation. Over most of my adult life my social interactions were as a member of a University science department. The way we interacted in conversation was focused on the subject matter. There was no preamble. One would say “When is the Department meeting?,” “What do you think of Watson’s recent paper?,” “Can I borrow that book?”

It came as a surprise to me when I joined this UUCB community to find out that my habit of going straight to the point is not the usual way here. Here before getting to the subject at hand one usually checks into how the person you’re talking to is. This is a softer and gentler community where caring for one another is a major part of our interactions. I was used to two people looking at the same thing and discussing, whereas here it is two people looking at each other. This realization of a more personal and caring form of conversation has expanded a part of me that was not in use for many years.

Another change coming from retirement is that at last I have time and freedom to read on any subject of interest. As a working single parent I had absolutely no free time for reading anything. Even after the children were grown, my fulltime devotion to the science had the same effect. No time to read outside the field.

But now, I enjoy reading widely on a variety of subjects. One of many subjects I’m interested in is the big picture of where we are today in terms of the whole long history of life of the earth. This includes so-called Big History, starting with the geological history of the planet, the evolution of life forms including humans and the story of human society up to today. For instance, recently in connection with the current worries about climate change, I took the time to read up on the history of climate changes over the lifetime of this planet. Having read up on it, I enjoyed presenting a summary to the folks in the Humanist Connections group. So a door has opened. I am enjoying the latitude I have now to read on any subject of interest, something I never found time for in earlier stages of life.

So retirement has brought a sadness from losing participation in my field, but the UUCB community has brought positive changes. One is learning to relate to friends and acquaintances on a more humane level, and two, having the opportunity through reading to learn more about anything of interest and then share it with others. These two gifts are precious and give meaning to the last stage of life.

I close with some words by A.L. Tennyson:

We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Beth Glick-Rieman

THE NUMINOUS NINETIES

According to Webster, “numinous” means having a deeply spiritual or mystical effect.  The great anthropologist and philosopher, Teilhard de Chardin once said: “We are not physical beings on a spiritual journey;  we are spiritual beings on a physical journey.”  It makes all the difference in the world what your starting point is!  If you believe you began life as the squalling tiny human being you were at birth, and that the physical part of you is all there is, you will approach aging and death as the end of everything.  Or, on the other hand, if you believe are a free Spirit Essence that existed before, during, and after your short time and space-bound human form, you will approach aging and death as a doorway through which you step at death into a new form, a reality beyond time and space, a Divine Essence.

I call this time of my life, “the numinous nineties.”  I am standing in the doorway between the two dimensions of life, and I know both are real.  My task at this point is to keep both dimensions alive and well, the human and the Spirit. The challenges are the gateway to the joys.  To stay in touch with both, I have assigned myself several daily tasks:

EXPERIENCE DAILY THE JOY OF MOVEMENT:  S0, STRETCH IT AND SHAKE IT OUT

First thing every morning, get rid of stiff joints.  Practice right now. [Stretch and shake]

KEEP ALIVE YOUR SOUL’S CAPACITY FOR WONDER BY FEASTING ON BEAUTY –IT’S EVERYWHERE AROUND YOU

A multitude of shades of green, tulips, daffodils, pink plum blossoms, white pear blossoms, oranges and the yellows of lemons, the pure white lilies.  Take time to enjoy each one and all. Take a moment to marvel at the joy they bring.

MOTHER YOURSELF

My 99-year-old father often said: “Once a man and twice a child.” Think of your losses in things you can no longer do, as entering your second childhood.  Be thankful for helpers, the young, the strong, the caring.

BE SURPRISED AND SURPRISE SOMEBODY

Do a good deed and make somebody happy.  Make a surprise call to a family member or a long lost friend. 

CATCH YOURSELF COMPLAINING

Life is too short to spend time in regrets and guilt.  Forgive yourself for not being perfect.  Be sorry for your mistakes and move on–laugh, sing and dance, make music.  Eat chocolate.

GIVE YOURSELF AWAY

Create something that might brighten somebody’s day, and give it to them.  Select a cause to put energy into and give yourself to it.  Make a difference when something needs to be changed.  Write a check.  Call a Senator.

“IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS”

My preacher father often quoted that Bible verse.  When Peggy, his granddaughter and my 19-year-old daughter, died as a result of an automobile accident, I said,  “Daddy, you wouldn’t give thanks that Peggy died, would you?”  Without pausing, he responded, “No, but I would certainly give thanks that she lived.”  Find something good in the midst of pain and loss.

For me, old age is a time of great freedom—freedom to be genuine, without pretense.  Freedom to use my time as I wish.  Freedom to structure my days as I will, free from the burdens of active parenting, and the duties of middle age work expectations.

Free to read a book, to play the piano, to doodle a mandala or weave a dream catcher.

Accepting the challenges of old age is the road to unbelievable joy.

Today I extend to you the invitation of one of my well-loved poets, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, who once wrote: “Grow old along with me.  The best is yet to be, the last of life for which the first was made!”